I can slam a revolving door

Who let the dogs out? I let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

I never won an Academy Award for acting... because I'm not acting.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with me. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

I don't read books. I stare them down until I get the information I want.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.